When I was very young, I was a huge Microsoft and Windows fan. I used Virtual PC to toy with multiple versions of Windows all day after school.
Then after two years failing at YouTube with moderate “success” form pirated copies of Phineas and Ferb recorded over cable TV, I got very heavily into open source, most specifically FreeBSD. I learned to love Unix and hate Windows. I started self-hosting servers and running networks at home. Open source and self-hosting was part of my DNA.
It became so much a part of me that even when I joined Microsoft I never grew to love Windows or Microsoft. I always secretly preferred non-Microsoft products. But that’s not the real reason why I left Microsoft.
Going back to high school, I had a “science research” project of a “Big Data File System” which was an ill-fated attempt to speed up “Big Data” applications using a stripped down file system.
But when I learned what Big Data is, I realized “this isn’t what I want to work on” and “this is aiding surveillance.” And even if surveillance wasn’t an issue, can you really convince sysadmins to use your new “Big Data File System” instead of Linux’s ext4? But what I didn’t know is it would set me up on a track to specialize professionally in Big Data, something I didn’t want.
I knew I wanted to rebel, so I installed CyanogenMod on my then-phone, a Sprint Samsung Galaxy S3 as an ill-fated attempt to “degoogle” and prevent Google from having my information.
By the time I graduated, I shelved the Big Data File System and decided to pursue other activities. Until I got an internship at NYU’s Center for Urban Science and Progress where I was asked for a copy of the paper. I searched my self-hosted email server for a draft copy and sent it.
What does this have to do with Microsoft you may ask? Well, because of “Big Data” experience from CUSP, I was placed in the “Viva Insights” team which basically worked on workplace surveillance, despite having had an internship at the failed crypto startup CacheCash which I hoped would get me out. That combined with the inability to easily internally transfer, the hard LeetCode-style interviews and now the poor economy made me stuck.
I realized I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ll always be mediocre since I lost passion for coding 2022-ish where my only open source contributions became either packaging (FreeBSD and later Fedora/EPEL) or documentation (Rocky Linux). I turned back to the servers and networks stuff which dominated my high school leisure time because I no longer wanted to code on surveillance tools. I only barely stayed afloat at work.
I remember telling my mom that I hate working on surveillance. I got told:
- “you’re autistic. you won’t survive anywhere else.”
- “don’t make your job your focus. find other hobbies.”
- “you’re so lucky you work for microsoft.”
These arguments fail miserably. I have a specific set of values, and privacy is one of them. I wanted to leave not because of a career focus but because of a privacy focus. Privacy is too important to me. Just because I’m autistic doesn’t mean I can’t have stuff I stand up for.
Imagine telling Greta Thunberg to keep her head down to not anger Big Oil, but instead she is fighting for climate action and I give her credit for that. Or telling Edward Snowden (who’s probably not autistic) that he shouldn’t leak because he has a “stable government job” (well, not so stable now thanks to “DOGE”).
Even if privacy wasn’t a concern, Microsoft focuses on a “kitchen sink” approach whereas I prefer streamlined software that one person can configure instead of needing tons of MSPs and partners to be able to manage. Yes, Fedora and GNOME and OpenBSD are right for breaking backwards compatibility, and so is Apple is not for the tight walled garden.
And working on a software stack I hate to spy on employees is certainly bad for my morale. I got into a shopping and browsing addiction because it’s the only alternative to facing the music of working on a heinous product. But even if I worked at a “Linux shop” instead it wouldn’t necessarily free me from working on surveillance tech.
So I’d rather make half of what I made just to not work on surveillance again. If my new IT startup takes off, great. If not, maybe I’ll get a CCNP or RHCE and work in traditional IT.
Sure, I could stay in software engineering. But I can’t. I was never the best coder, but during NYU days I had a burning passion. I was stupid for believing it would last forever, which it didn’t.
Passion for content creation didn’t last forever, I dropped my interest in video and got a passion for FOSS. Passion for FreeBSD didn’t last forever either, I turned to different operating systems with better hardware support including the Fedora laptop I wrote this post on or the Mac I use for my startup stuff.